Company of One

Company of One

it's the cool 
edgy
cynical thing
to say
how much people suck
which is true
yet
it's also true
that without them
it's only you
sniffing your own ass
which doesn't
even afford
the novelty
and variety
of sniffing
anybody else's

you get tired
of somebody else's 
stories
habits
and smell
so why
sitting alone
for so long
don't you get
just as goddamned
bored and fed up
with yourself
your own bad habits
and pacing thoughts
as you would
anybody else?

sometimes
i bore myself
the fuck out
so i go out
looking for things
and people
who are less boring
than me
for a while
and sometimes i find
a few of them
as fed up
and tired of themselves
as i am 
of me

it's a mild
blessing
to find them
when you need them
somebody
anybody
so fed up
with themselves
they're willing
to speak and listen
about most anything
else
things
as trite
as sports
the weather
or tits and ass
sometimes 
at the right time
which
though shallow
can taste
like fine
champaign
when you need it

and the graciousness
of a drink
bought
by another fella
and a cigarette
bummed
and given
without disgrace
feels like something
akin
to things shared
in churches
neither of which
them
nor us
may ever know
for sure

spiritual
nourishment
in booze
cigarettes
and idle chatter
of a cloudy day
and tits and ass?
yes
i say
without a fucking
doubt
when you accept
that heaven
is as much in the gutter
as it is
in the skies
and your neck
is unbearably stiff
from all
the looking
up