Can’t Smile at Babies

Can’t Smile at Babies

i don't pause
to acknowledge
or stop
to smile
at babies
or their mothers

instead
i look away
or walk right past 
telling myself,
i know what that is.
it's a baby.

i don't stop
to smile
at babies
cause i don't feel much
toward babies
and i don't like
pretending
anymore
unless 
i have to

i don't feel much
toward babies
or sunsets
and most paintings
while
absurdly
sitting here
pretending
to be
a poet

i don't feel much
toward babies
sunsets or paintings
no more
than for a young man
or elderly woman's
buttocks
accentuated
in tight 
pants

i don't feel much
when it comes to babies
rather
i sometimes
try figuring out
what it is
about babies
that makes other people feel
and what it is
about me
that they don't

maybe 
i don't feel much
for babies
cause i know
too much
about the shitting
and crying
and neediness
while something
about their vulnerability
just doesn't
register

maybe
it's a visceral response
or lack thereof
to their cuteness
like how some men
enjoy really fat women
while most men
don't

i don't feel much
toward babies
knowing many
are accessories
fillers
or mistakes
and i can't deny
what most
are gonna become
which is
nothing very special
just like you and me
nothing
very special
while all of us
were babies once
too

i can't stop
to smile at babies
regardless
of how it makes me feel
knowing
in the hearts
of their mothers
i'm the heel
who can't even 
spare a smile
for their precious
little
being

i don't like
being the heel
any more
than i like the feeling
that comes
with accepting more
than i'm supposed to accept
of what babies
really 
are

for sure
i'm no better than them
with their funhouse smiles
i'm probably
far worse
for not pretending
out here,
little baby,
it's less
a funhouse
most of the time
than a house
of horrors
filled with untruths
so difficult
and disappointing
to learn
and overcome

no,
i don't like the emptiness
that comes
with seeing babies
as seedlings
of future
you's and me's
which are nothing special
nothing worthy
of special attention
as just another seedling
or just another
you
or 
me