Beginning of the Month

Beginning of the Month

i begin
the month
with nothing
to look forward
to

i begin
this month
just like the last
and just like 
the next

this month
my check
will arrive
but it's nothing
i look forward to
since i've nothing
but my bare existence
to spend it
on

this month
i will cook
and eat
to stay alive
through another month

this month
just like the last
and just like the next
i will mow the grass
or shovel the sidewalk
or rake the leaves
and i'll do 
a few loads of laundry
and go to the grocery store
on wednesdays

this month
i may visit the doctor
or the dentist
and next month
i may get an oil change
and maybe send
a birthday card

next month
if things
get really hectic
i might need 
a prescription
refilled

this month
just like the last
just like the next
nobody
will call
or stop by
to check on my health
safety
or sanity

this month
just like the last
just like the next
i'll wonder
why i pay a phone bill
when nobody calls me
just as i
never phone 
them

most days
and nights
i'll watch tv
to pass the time
with nothing
i look forward to watching
and nothing
this month
just like the last
just like the next
i look forward
to doing

sometimes
driving past 
a theater
a park
a festival
or café
i realize
there is art
beauty
maybe even love
somewhere
out there
but i've become
so used
to having nothing
to look forward to
i only hope
sometimes
that someday
something might happen
to change things
so i have something
to look forward to

but i won't plan
for a change
for a change
is something
to look forward to
and i'm far too comfortable
now
as it's been for decades
having nothing
to look forward
to

no
i can't change things
now
since it's been so hard
through all these years
getting this used
to having nothing
to look forward to