Mail Order Bride

Mail Order Bride

he ordered her
     Nina
from the Ukraine
     not because he was lonely
        but because
           he was lost

he ordered her
      knowing the risks
          having heard the stories
              of how it goes wrong
                  and how guys have gotten fucked
                        in all the different ways
                                    of getting fucked

but sometimes it goes right
      especially
           he decided 
             if one's heart 
                is in the right place
             and if there's any justice
                in the world

so
he told himself
      it was as much for Nina
            as it was for him
      since her country is shit
            so he must be just    
                    and kind
                        and mostly selfless
                            in offering her 
                                        salvation
 and she was thick
      from the waist down
           which meant
               he was humble
           for choosing a less sexy 
                  a less perfect model
      than what he could afford 

still
      to be safe
he did all the things 
      to ensure what was his
            before her
      would remain his
            if things didn't work out
      if she no longer
            was his

so they wed
      and she became his
      and came to his home
      and gave him what was expected
            an escort for special occasions
            and sex          
      performed like grocery shopping
            and laundry
      performed as just another thing
            that he'd paid for
      
though thick
     Nina was still half his age
              and far more attractive
       and for all she gave him
           he came to understand
               he still couldn't afford
                    still hadn't paid
                          for what he wanted

for her nights were spent 
       watching TV
             shit he had no interest in
             just as she had no interest in
       the shit he watched either

he knew he was more interesting than the TV
       as any person is
           more interesting than the device
                  and most of what
                      it projects
                         and most people ingest
he knew he'd done more
       in giving her salvation
             than the TV ever would
       so he became angry 
             at her fixation on the tube
                       and her chores
                  rather than him

i took risks
       he said
in bringing you here
       but she didn't care
            knowing by then
               that he never cared
                  about any of the risks
                       that she'd taken
                                     too

when they split
        he was angry but not sad
              angry at her
                    and the world
                         for denying him
                              the bargain
                                  he paid for
        he was angry but not sad 
              since he was used to being lonely
              something that never left him
                   even with Nina around
                                    
and he knew
    to his satisfaction
        that in dotting all the i's
              and crossing all the t's
        what was his
                 all his stuff
              before she became his too
                 all the stuff
                     that made him search something different
        would still be his
after she left