Something

Something

i went for a long walk 
in the park today
almost 8 miles
cause during this 
time of crisis
there wasn't much else
to do
and i may be a fool
but it sorta seemed
like doing something
might be better
than doing a whole lot more
of nothing

i
like most of the others 
out on the trail
made the decision
that time
spent outdoors
maybe a few hours
was gonna be better
for us
than all of our hours
today
spent inside

it's a judgement call
for each of us
which is better
for him or her
not everyone
just him
or her
if that time 
out in the sun
was gonna be better
for him or her
than all of it
spent inside
it's a judgement call
about yourself
doing what's best
for yourself
or not
or who cares?
a decision about yourself
if you're willing to make it
or 
just let it slip
lazily
into nothing

i got to thinking
walking around today
that the walk
is a lot like
a lot of other things
most of the things
we choose
to entertain us
or not
when things are normal
a lot like
a lot of the other decisions
what might be best
for ourselves
decisions
tiny
yet cumulative
that we choose
to make
for what seems the best
for ourselves
or
we just let
those decisions
slide
into the nothingness
of the entropy
of our indecision

the difference between that walk
today
or any other day
or most of the other stuff
we do
having little significance
on the outcome 
of the day
especially when
there's plenty 
of tomorrows
but whatever we choose
our day
with or without
a walk
or whatever else
usually
bringing neither 
profound joy
nor abject sadness
either way
with or without
either one
only delivering
something
in between
which delights 
the clever laggard
in his indecision 
cloaked in cynicism
claiming indecision
is
in itself
a decision
the apathetic idler
who'll say
there's not much difference
between being inside
whether it's 16 hours
or 20
and the difference between 
taking that stroll
and not taking it
not affecting the day
in any significant way
either

and that's true
i'd probably sleep
about the same 
either way
but that claim
also seems
a roundabout way
of just being lazy
about deciding 
what do to
or not
because
for the clever cynic
when something
not decided on
has little significance
either way
then
it's the same difference
decided on or not
and only the fool
needs to decide
between beans in a cup
or beans on a plate
when either way
the beans
are the same
goddamned
thing
and a pointless stroll
that does nothing
but relieve oneself
of doing nothing
a pointless stroll
without a concrete goal
is pointless
and pointlessness
is much closer
to nothingness
than something
so what's the point
in a goalless stroll
anyway?

not poeticizing it
not saying 
a walk
is anything more than a walk
and a decision to be made
to do it
or not
but it is to say
maybe anything
no matter how trivial
is at least something
in its triviality
something more
anything more
than the utter emptiness
that is
in nothing

and not poeticizing
by demonizing
the idler
and his indecision
either
for he is neither
snake
nor demon
he is only
flesh and bone
just like you and me
in that sense
which is
most of our
sense

all the questions
of what do do
are all decisions 
to be made
or ignored
whether to risk
making the day
a little bit better
by going for that walk
the drive-in
or roller derby
or 
doing none of it
excusing 
doing nothing
out of the sheer laziness
of doing nothing
including 
the consideration
of whether a
walk 
or anything else
in normal times
is a better thing 
for yourself
than nothing