Eye for an Eye

Eye for an Eye

in this old
soft
and lazy heart
any spirit
of 
fuck you, motherfucker!!!!!!
like the lust
for a now middle-aged
flabby assed
droopy jowled
old high school flame
is long 
long gone

realizing now
the punk rock ethic
of 
eye for eye
an easy enough thing
for records
stages in small clubs
before a bunch
of moderately privileged
white boys
trading in their hard-ons
for a raucous evening
of recess monitored
rage

nowadays
this old
soft
and lazy heart
understanding
off the turntables
the stages
and outside the clubs
fuck you, motherfucker!!!!!
is far too often
a cracking skull
bouncing off a curb

fuck you, motherfucker!!!!!!
is far too often
a sharp blade
in the guts

fuck you, motherfucker!!!!!!
is a bullet
through the brains
and the downpour
of grief and sorrow
that follows
and the cascading
ethic
of 
eye for an eye
is most often
a worse thing
for us all

my heart
has grown old
soft and lazy
with the records
collecting dust
and musty smells
in the garage

as the paunch bulges
as the hairline
the sags and bags
and wrinkles taunt
i do not
accept their provocation
i simply flash
a fat 
but mostly empty
wallet of wisdom
and let them 
play
without much malice 
as
my heart
grows old
soft and lazy
outside
the dingy clubs
barely breathable
from the cigarette smog
and the humidity
of all that ancient
white boy angst

those bygone clubs
like sweat
and beer soaked playrooms
with a shoving
kicking
a parentally guided violence
of no honest
consequence

this old
soft
and lazy heart
too tempered
for anymore
fuck you, motherfucker!!!!!!!!
to classmates
parents
and neighbors
who i get now
more than ever
and maybe even more
than they
ever got 
the punk rock me
of then
or even this
whatever the fuck 
that is me
now

this old
soft
and lazy heart
not so rotten yet
as to call it all shit
cause when i hear it again
i can still feel it
and 
maybe better yet
with the hindsight
of all these detached years
mercifully
know and understand
today
who
and why
and what
all that
fuck you, motherfucker!!!!!
was all
meant for