Conspiracy of Self

Conspiracy of Self

most
of what he understands
of himself
is a conspiracy

i know a guy
full of bullshit
conspiracies
about the government
new world orders
the nefarious intent of vaccines
and pedophiles
who cherry picks
the day and world's
news and events
to ridiculously
conform
to his bullshit
conspiracies

it's so ludicrous
sometimes
i feel
almost insulted
that he could think
i might be so stupid
just like him
to believe
all his bullshit
then i realize
in desperation
for answers
to fill some secret void
he's convinced himself
of alternatives
no matter
how absurd
that offer him
better
understandings

it's a craving
for even sand
to fill the cracks
an appetite
i may not have
leaving me stunned
until realizing
based on his needs
there's a defense
for the preservation
of his bullshit
that nobody 
will never breach

another guy
does a similar thing
not about the government
or secretive cabals
but about
himself
cherry picking
information
and observations
about himself
to flesh out
the narrative
of his ultimate
helplessness

like the other guy
it's ridiculous
almost insulting
that
i might be expected
to ignore
all the contrary evidence
or might be too stupid
to fit it all
into
a larger picture
of himself
that he's
too afraid
to see

some conspiracies
are true
just like
some of the things
maybe most
of the things
we tell ourselves
about ourselves
can be true 
too

while some conspiracies
are utter nonsense
just like some
of the things
maybe most
of the things
we tell ourselves
about ourselves

like the nonsense
conspiracy
of one guy's helplessness
or another guy
being in tune
to a wealth
of privileged
secret knowledge
most of which
happens to be
far more piddle
than profound

but it's hard to know
how to react
cause
even though it reeks 
some folks
need their conspiracies
more than the truth
to make sense
of what they otherwise
cannot