Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

places to be
and
ways
to feel

wishing 
to feel
none of it

wishing
to be 
nowhere
but here

yet
feeling
i should feel
different

feeling
i should be
somewhere
but here

it's nothing
but turkey
and stuffing
and pumpkin pie
and people

but it feels
like it should be
so much more
or
so much
less

it feels
like it should be
so much more
but it never
is
while
this mind
won't
accept it
as nothing

the greatest
gift
of the holiday
never given
to be nowhere
but here
feeling
nothing

nowhere
but here
away
from the nostalgia
the eyes
the words
that never fulfill
the promise

another holiday
the empty
feeling
of a loveless marriage
like an atheist
at mass
dutifully
performing
for the sake
of everyone
else

wishing
to be here
feeling nothing
instead
of this anxiety
at the feeling
from the ritual
being
so 
lifelessly
fabricated
and
predictably
dulling
to the bone

this anxiety
the acute
regurgitation
of misanthropy
or
the disquieting
acceptance
of the way
things
are?

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