Big

Big

We need things bigger than ourselves to attach ourselves to so we don’t feel small.

We’ve got families and legacies to make us feel big.

We’ve got God and country.

We’ve got ethnicity and traditions and culture.

We’ve got pride for things we’ve been gifted but not earned.

The delicious, satisfying, empty calories of pride. Better, at least, than nursing at the tit of Camus’ absurd.

The barmaid got into a discussion about religion.

The guy next to me said he believed in Jesus.

The barmaid said she didn’t.

I was an outsider in their city, just looking for a drink to help unwind. But I didn’t wanna seem impolite, so I gave the barmaid a feeble smirk of agreement when she looked my way.

She said to the other guy, “It just doesn’t make any sense to me.”

He said, “But you gotta believe in Jesus.”

I sat there in silence.

I thought if I was gonna add anything, it would be that most cultures throughout time have been trying to make sense of the world through their myths and gods. The Greeks. Egyptians. Native Americans. Nordic mythology. Islam. Hinduism. The Nation of Islam and that wacky shit about the Mother Wheel. For fuck’s sake, it’s all nonsense. And it’s gotta be the same with Wicca, Raëlism and Scientology. It’s trying to make sense, through myths, stories, and superstitions, of what is otherwise nonsensical or incomprehensible. That’s all it is or ever will be. Anybody with any sense knows it. But only some accept it.

To be fair, just like fairy tales and fables with witches or talking wolves, the stories may contain metaphorical truths. But make no mistake, grasshoppers don’t literally sing or dance, and foxes don’t flatter crows out of their cheese, which is why such stories are meant for children.

Everybody knows how the contradictions in gospels leave things open to interpretation, with the same function and reliability as a horoscope.

That’s what I sat there thinking but didn’t say.

I didn’t wanna say anything about the irony or hypocrisy of teaching humility, all the while attaching ourselves to that very thing in order to avoid the meaninglessness in our insignificance.

I wasn’t in the mood for a pretentious philosophical discourse. I was just trying to make it through another day, just like the guy next to me who needed a beer to chase a shot, along with his Jesus.