Craigslist: Help Wanted

Friends of mrobins71,

Given the dismal number of readers passing through this site or blog or whatever the fuck it’s supposed to be, I’ve come up with a plan for increasing traffic and hopefully readership. It’s a rather foolproof plan, I think, that could be mutually beneficial to any other interweb vanity slave agreeing to it.

Here’s the scheme:

1.  We rent space at a university or community college for you to speak.

2. I have placed a Craigslist ad in the Services Needed section offering vagrants and hobos Rally’s meals to attend. This way it’ll seem like a legitimate gathering (see screen capture of the ad below).

help_wanted

3. You speak about whatever it is you want to speak about (left or right wing politics, conspiracy theories, My Little Pony….you name it…..though politically charged topics will probably go over best).

4. I will disrupt your meeting under the guise of Antifa or a Proud Boy (obviously, this puts you on the opposing side politically). I will disrupt the proceeding, shouting and screaming like a whiny bitch through a cheerleader megaphone and throwing spoiled fruits and vegetables at you.

note: Terms and conditions of the disruption are negotiable, it’s just that I’ve always wanted to use one of those giant cheerleader horns. And perhaps feces would work just as well if not better than produce, though the former presents a bio-hazard risk requiring the added expense of personal protective equipment.

craigslist_ad

5. We have one of our hired vagrants film the episode and post it on YouTube and WorldStarHipHop where it will either go viral or you can bitch and cry enough about the trampling of your rights to free speech to make it go viral. Giving the video the most outrageous and salacious title we can think of will be useful too.

6. We milk the attention for all it’s worth. Your side of the political divide will laud you as a hero to your cause and the opposing side will laud me as a hero too.

7. You’ll be invited to YouTube channels that support your political agenda to discuss your victimization, where you can plug your website or vBlog or YouTube channel. I’ll be invited to opposing channels where I’ll be praised as a principled hero of my ideology. That’s where I’ll use their platform to plug this website.

8. We slander one another wherever possible (nothing draws attention like a good ole catfight and everybody can identify with having an enemy – either real or imagined).

free_speech

note: I’m kinda digging this alt-right prison tattoo/stars-n-stripes trouser/gladiator helmet motif. It’d work for me if you wanna play SJW and me be the right-wing thug.

9. We move forward writing books or editorials or starting our own YouTube channels or blogs or websites. We continue to shill ourselves and our shit and our feud as we are invited to make the rounds of traditional and new media outlets to discuss how bad the alt-right or the radical left are – all the while satiating our interweb narcissism.

Let me know what you think.

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