There was a time when the Oreo was simple…..as simple as black and white, literally.
Then, along with the social shifts that accompanied second wave feminism and gay marriage and civil rights, came multiculturalism – a tsunami of cultural upheaval that transformed western culture into the monstrosity that’s given us female action heroes and race car drivers and homosexuals portrayed as “real people” on television. And, along with all this cultural upheaval and degeneration, our precious Oreo fell victim to its corruption too.
The first deviation came in 2004 with the introduction of the Golden Oreo or, as I like to call it, the Caucasian Oreo. It wasn’t the original but it was good and simple. Some might say it achieved Oreo perfection. But there was a dark side to its success. With it began an insatiable lust for Oreo novelty that’s spawned the utter Oreo anarchy we know today.
Since then the slow creep of ethnic Oreo mixing and multiculturalism has yielded such perversions as Peeps, Blueberry Pie, Cherry Cola and Key Lime Pie Oreo’s, just to name a few. Right now Strawberry Shortcake and Apple Pie Oreo’s corrupt the cookie aisles of your Kroger and Meijer. It makes me wanna puke worse than seeing men kiss one another. It makes me wanna puke….or burn something.
I urge all Classical Liberals, Libertarians and Conservatives to boycott such deviations from the natural Oreo order. Let’s keep the cookie pure as God and the founding fathers of the National Biscuit Company meant it to be. Otherwise, what are we gonna have next, Wasabi or Jalapeño Oreo’s, for fuck’s sake?
As my Mamma always said, “keep it simple”……as simple as black and white.
*Editor’s note: It’s acknowledged that albinism isn’t an ethnicity. But, nonetheless, they’re weird and inferior like all the rest. The editor further acknowledges the racists implication of associating “golden” to being Caucasian. But that’s okay since Caucasian is the golden race.