Manson Sucks

He read the headlines and stories about Marilyn Manson being an abusive scumbag. He read how the musician was physically and emotional abusive to his 18-year-old ex-fiancée and his ex-girlfriends. He read the accusations of the entertainer being a racist and hedonist. He read all about the disgusting swastikas and rape rooms.

He read all the stuff about Manson tormenting and abusing his former partners and said to himself, “What a fucking scumbag.” He felt good and self-satisfied knowing he’d never be that kind of creep. It pleased him to imagine how he’d kill a guy who’d try anything like that with any of the women he’d cared for.

Later that night he watched some episodes of The Office while snacking on a box of white cheddar Cheez-Its. Then he moved on to his favorite porn site. There he scrolled past thumbnails of pregnant teens taking BBC in the ass. He scrolled past thumbnails with titles like “BBW Granny Gangbang.” He scrolled past videos with titles like “Fucking My Stepmom” and “HOT Blonde Pissing on Young Boy.”

He settled on a live cam of a hairy Asian masturbating. He watched and pleasured himself. He got off the couch and threw his wad of tissue in the toilet. Then he went to Facebook to see who might have liked his latest meme, never stopping to think about the exploitation and abuse of the pregnant teen taking BBC in her ass. Never stopping to think of the reasons why she’d do that.

He moved on to YouTube to post a comment on a video about the biggest flops in fast food history, never stopping to think about that young woman’s fetus, grown older and knowing it was in the womb while its mother fucked on camera for a little bit of cash. And he never stopped to think if that grandmother getting gangbanged wasn’t getting by on her disability, so she had to resort to a $500 payday from a pornographer in order to erase her vet bill and pay for her own medications. He never stopped to wonder if all those dicks in all that grandmother’s holes was worth it to help pay off her credit card debt and utilities. If he did, he’d have said to himself, “Though she’s some little girl or boy’s grandmother, she must really like sex. That must be the reason.” And he’d have been satisfied with himself for not judging the elderly for having and enjoying sex without inhibition just like anybody else.

He never bothered to think of any of those things before checking the odds on the Super Bowl, chewing some antacid tabs and brushing his teeth, then going to bed.

In the morning he was back on the internet. Scrolling and sipping his coconut oil coffee, he was delighted to find someone else – this time a fellow musician – had come out accusing Marilyn Manson of being an asshole too.

He said to himself again, “What a fucking scumbag.”

He wondered, then hoped somebody might come out with a t-shirt or a car magnet or a rubber wristband that would say, “Manson Sucks.” Or maybe, “F*CK Marilyn.” Or something like that. Or maybe somebody could set up a Lynch Marilyn Manson Fund that he could donate a few bucks to and share on Facebook. He thought any of those might be good things with the proceeds going to a battered women’s charity or something.

He thought how any of those things would make a real statement. He thought how any of things would be doing SOMETHING. He thought how, if he bought and wore a rubber wristband, he would be taking a mighty stand against victimization. And he tried not to, but couldn’t help imagining how sharing his thoughts on Twitter about what an abusive shit heel Marilyn Manson is might impress the Hispanic girl at his office.

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