Excuses & Apologies

Excuses & Apologies

i've made excuses
and apologies
my entire life
telling myself 
things
like,
it's okay. you never missed
what you never had.

i tell myself things
like,
maybe you should be 
grateful. under her 
influence
things may have
been
even harder.
and even worse.

i apologize for her
telling myself,
she was young. 
unprepared
and probably
unstable.

i tell myself
it's been okay
since it sorta
seems like
it's sorta turned out
okay

then 
the other day
i saw this video
of a guy
trapping rats
in his barn
and when the baby rats
fell in the bucket of water
the mother rat
jumped in
and saved them

see,
even rats care
even rats 
are willing
to sacrifice
even more
than a little bit
which makes it harder
and harder
to keep on excusing
for another
day

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