Slots A Fun

Slots A Fun

i toil
in a stupid
useless
meaningless job
and because
my job
is so stupid
and meaningless
i get paid
very little

because i'm paid
so little
i have no money
to purchase
any of the things
i think
i want

so every week
i take 
my paltry check
from my dull
meaningless job
and i drop it
in the slot machine
wagering it all
on a single pull

i've yet
to hit it big
but i know i can
and probably will
since others
as a matter of fact
have made millions
on a single 
jackpot pull
on the slots

i've been told
mine
is a bad plan
and the laziest way
for getting what i want
but i know
it's not lazy
to drive to the casino
religiously on friday
instead of sitting at home
by a pool
or on vacation
with my paycheck
directly deposited
and earning 
a trifling 1% 
in savings

i've been told
i'm stupid and lazy
for sticking with this plan
i've been told
a better plan
would be to get
a better job
with some responsibility
that pays
a lot more

it's not lazy
in fact
it's far more heartbreaking
to consistently lose
what little
i've so stupidly
toiled so hard
to earn

it's hard
not easy
losing
what little i have
week after week
on a single pull
of the slots

you'll never know
the profound
disappointment
as you
sit 
carefree
in your own home
or by a pool
or on vacation
allowing your money
to lazily 
compound 
its interest 

you'll never understand
my struggle
of keeping
this weekly agony
buried so deep
inside
and you'll never understand
the profound sadness
from this feeling 
of worthlessness
from living
without all the things
you take for granted

you'll never understand
the anxiety
and despair
from keeping it all
smothered
inside
knowing
to expose it
you'll castigate me
as an idiot
for sticking with
this plan

you'll never
understand
how i suffer
but maybe
someday you will
and then
be willing to offer
out of sympathy
for my suffering
some
of what
i need

so i'll stick
with this plan
and wait it out
cause
just maybe 
this week's 
compounding
suffering
will be enough
for you 
to finally
feel it too

so i'll stick to it
which takes discipline
until my suffering
is finally enough
for you
at long last
to finally
and sympathetically
take some
action